Day 104: Hi Again.

so i deactivated most of my social medias. i want to disappear. unfortunately i can’t do that. i got rid of snapchat, instagram and privated all my youtube videos. i just want to be left alone. i don’t want to deal with people. unfortunately, in doing the things i did, caused more harm than good. caused a commotion. people started to get worried. it’s not what i want. i don’t know why people would waste their time worrying about me lol. there are more important things to worry about. i still want to disappear though. i don’t want to be here.

someone told me to find a person and talk it out. to not bottle it up. except who do i talk to. i don’t talk. why bother? conceal don’t feel. frozen.

i’m literally just a sad and angry person at this point. i’m mad at myself for being this way.

people always tell me to find somethings that makes me happy. not to sound melodramatic or anything, but what is happiness anymore? i can’t be the only one, can i?

who am i kidding, i’m hella dramatic. i hate that. i hate that i bring attention to myself. i just walk to curl into a ball and cry. but i already do that so.. i don’t want the attention. i’m so fucking weird. what do i want?

i don’t know. i’m honestly at the point of no return. why am i this way? why do i not find joy in the things i do? why do i feel like i’m just here to occupy space? why do i feel so empty and pointless?

just smile and wave i guess

minus the smiling

minus the waving

plus the dead on the inside and outside

maybe i just expect too much from myself. maybe it’s just the way things are suppose to be. maybe i’m just unlucky.

or maybe i’m just a whiny bitch. yeah, that’s probably it.


if you’re reading this, i’m sorry you had to read this.

please do me a favor and ignore half the things i said. please don’t get worried or concerned. please don’t leave a comment. it’s okay. i’m fine. as always. trust me.

i’m trying. i really am.

okay.

let’s go back to simplier times like making fun of me haha
at least then it’s funny

ha ha ha…

jokes on me.

🙂

-ray.

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