Day 87: “Suicidal Insomniac”

Hey there, Ray here and welcome back to another blog post! February 27, 2017.

First of all, my earphones just died so let’s have a moment of silence…

Okay. Hi, how are you today? I hope you’re doing better than I am because I honestly feel like shit right now and half of that is because I’m sick. I hate being sick. I have no idea how in the world I got sick. I spend one day with the notorious sick person and boom I get sick. Feels bad. I can deal with headaches but when I have sinus infections, rip. I like breathing through my nose and all and not having a runny nose is pretty nice too. Holy shit, my nose has ran more than I have this entire year. Insane.

You know, today wouldn’t be half bad if I wasn’t feeling like complete shit xd. But unfortunately, being sick ruins everything. Then again, what did I expect from a Monday?

Okay so I am completely lost in math class. I actually have no idea what the fuck is going on anymore. 100% lost. I don’t know how to do anything and it worries me because there is a test on Wednesday and I’m fucked. I don’t know how to solve any of the equations and I suck at the proofs. What the fuck do I do besides fail 😦 Nothing makes any sense 😦 I can’t afford a failing grade… goddamn it! Why is math so hard. I hate proofs, the bane of my existence.

Got another Spanish project 😦 The worst kind of projects are Spanish projects because once again, I literally have no idea what I’m doing half the time and just winging it most of the time. Not only that, there’s like no one to work with. Time to find someone who will carry me 😦

After English class, I got pulled over once again by my English teacher and I’m just like: “Okay, what did I do this time? I haven’t been sleep in class at all. I’m reformed! I promise :(” Turns out my English teacher thinks that I’m some sort of suicidal insomniac. Where did she make this inference lol? Well… let’s just say I might have wrote a bit too much in a journal about depression xd. Wow, must have forgotten to erase it and replace it with something else. My bad. I know she means well and all, but I just really feel uncomfortable ever time she speaks to me. RIP! Mistakes were made. She gave me this whole speak about how suicide isn’t the answer and how I’m worth it and all and honestly I don’t buy it but you know in order to get away from this awkward encounter, I just keep nodding and booked it… See the thing is, sure I might need help but I’m not even sure what I need help with…

Am I a suicidal insomniac? Maybe? I don’t know what I am. I’m a mess lol.

There’s a reason why I wear a watch on my left hand and that’s because it looks stylish. It was a joke. I have terrible humor.

This post is really dark. All I’m going to say is don’t worry about me xd, I’ll still be here. The moment I ask someone for help is the moment when people can start to panic. But that won’t happen.

But this is assuming that people actually care ahahaha… Yeah no one cares, I know. I like to pretend people care.

I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m like this honestly.

In other news, I went to get ice cream again today because a friend gave me a discount ^_^! Remind me not to go with people I don’t really know that well in the future. Ended up third wheeling and then fourth wheeling and had to get myself the fuck out of there without being to rude. The problem with me is if I don’t know you I won’t make the effort to get to know you or socialize. It’s like I purposely distance myself from people and since all the other people know each other, why bother them?

Yeah social skills… not my thing.

In other other news, the weather is really bipolar and I hate it. Hot one day then freezing the next. Horrible. Waiting for that consistent spring weather.

Well I guess that’s it.

Have a nice day and don’t get sick. Being sick sucks 😦

-Ray, the one and only sick sunflower~




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