Day 42: The Answer to Life

On the 11th day of New Years, my lover gave to me: the answer to life. Get it, 42. No? Okay, I’ll show myself to the exit. bye bye T_T

Hey what is up fam, my name is Ray and welcome back to another daily nightly blog post of the day. January 11, 2017. (Happy Birthday to Jackie ^_^)

I wish I knew the answer to life, don’t you? It’d make life a look easier 😕 Finding the answer to life is too stressful right now. It’s like, what do I even want to do with my life. I’m at that age where I’m suppose to magically know what I want to be/do for the rest of my life. That’s kind of hard. What do I want to be? I have no idea. I want to be a tree, but unfortunately, I can’t. I have to be a doctor, a lawyer, or an engineer. Everything else is off the table. 😦 Life decisions are hard when you don’t want what you like to do. Some people have their entire life mapped out. They want to do this, this, this, this and this. Some people have stacked resumes that help them achieve their goals of doing this, this, this and this. And then there’s me. Having no idea what I’m passionate about and at the same time, having a sad looking resume. College makes me sad. First I have to get in. Then I have to worry about the money issue. Then I have to worry about the stress and doing well. And if I don’t get into a good college… then well I will never hear the end of my parents. 😦 Sad stuff. Sometimes I wish I could just do what I want to do. Like you know, move out and go somewhere far far away. Maybe the west coast. England. Australia. Start a new and get away from this place I call home. My future is very (???). I’m interested in computer stuff but I’m also interested in digital arts and video filming/editing yet at the same time. Who knows. I’ll worry about it next month. I have the entire month to get through. Midterms. Cemetery. Ugh. Someone please hit me with a door, with a knob in the center. Feels like TT, just like TT.

I don’t feel like talking about my school day so instead I’m going to complain some more. It’s probably the only thing I’m good at, besides being tired. I realize if only I did my homework earlier, then I would be able to sleep earlier and get more sleep. However I wish it really was that simple of just doing homework earlier. Story time ^_^

[WARNING THERE’S A LOT OF COMPLAINING GOING ON! MORE FORWARD WITH CAUTION!]

So my mom wants to earn a bit of extra spending money so she ends up babysitting some of her friend’s kids because apparently their parents never have the time for them (rip rip). So literally 4 times a week, these two 4 year olds would come over from 5-8:30. Now I hate kids because they’re really annoying and these two aren’t any different. They’re hella annoying. Like I thought my siblings were annoying, I was wrong. These two kids would not stop crying/causing a huge nuisance. IT. IS. SO. FUCKING. ANNOYING.

Let me put it this way. Imagine a fire siren, they’re pretty loud and annoying if you listen to it on repeat. Now imagine two fire sirens. Twice the annoyance. Okay, now imagine those fire sirens are downstairs in your living room doing fire siren things such as being loud. Now imagine these fire sirens are broken and they just don’t stop doing fire siren things. Okay now imagine if I told the fire siren to kindly shut the fuck up… would it do it? No, of course not. The fire siren doesn’t give two shits about you want it to do and asking it to stop won’t actually make it stop.

Now let’s go back to the two 4 year olds. If I kindly ask them to not make any noise because I’m trying to focus and do homework, do they listen? No. If I yell at them when they’re crying for literally no reason, would that help? No, they’re just cry some more. It’s a lose-lose situation.

😦 So what do I? Well, me being the oh so brilliant person I am, I sleep during this time. I take a “nap” during this time because I can’t get anything done. But Ray, you should just shut the fuck up and suck it up. It can’t be that hard :^). I tried. But it is so fucking annoying. It’s beyond fucking annoying. ._. It makes me want to unscrew my head. I guess I should mention that I’m the type of person who can’t do homework if there is something distracting me. For instance, music, popping group chats, little kids crying, etc.

So I gotten into the habit of sleeping from 5:00-8:30, which by the way is a horrible habit. ._. This forces me to stay up later to finish all my homework. It literally fucks up everything. I want a good 3 hours doing absolutely nothing. UGH! Why do screaming little kids have to exist? But Ray, I’m sure you were a screaming crying little kid when you were younger too :^) So shut the fuck up please xD. You got me fam, you got me 😦 But when I was a toddler I wasn’t ruining the life of a high school student just trying to get by now was I?

I told my mom countless times to just stop but you know, my parents don’t give a fuck about my opinion. 😦 Sad face. They just expect me to deal with it. Honestly though, these 4 year olds are driving me insane and slightly ruining my life/sleeping schedule. Well maybe it’s my fault that I don’t work during the period they’re here but like I’ve said over and over again, it is really hard to work with fire sirens downstairs. But Ray how the fuck do you fall asleep then? I come home tired everyday due to the lack of sleep from the previous day and the daily bs I have to deal with. It’s a endless cycle of sad face 😦

Like for example, today I got progressively more tired with each period. First period I was like 75% me with a resting bitch face and then next period went to 10% trying to sleep/falling asleep at the scene. Math takes too much of my energy away 😦 and the desk in APUSH are too small to sleep on qq. Life is hard.

I also realized I could save myself an entire hour to an hour + 30 each day if I just dropped doing these. But I won’t ^_^ This is my daily source of complaining to myself and those who read this monstrosity. Don’t worry, you’ll get sick of me soon enough ~.~ It isn’t that hard. Sad face 😦

Silly Quote of the Day: “sapnu puas”

My friend is weird and thirsty. He keeps sending me this 😦 I ain’t got noodles though sigh
sad face 😦

-Ray, the one and only sadface sunflower~

the end is coming. soon.

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